I feel like an outsider peeking in
A poem by Sean Kathryn Bratton
In the midst of light and dark, there’s me; The I am, the observer, the one who’s free. I’m new to this conscious awareness, I feel like a one man soldier. I feel like an outsider peeking in, over this sweet girl’s dainty shoulder.
I don’t really know what I’m doing. Some days I don’t know who I am. I mean I know who I am aside from all of this, but the character who holds the pen.
I think I’m just in shock of her nature, of her perception and beliefs. She’s strangely colors outside the lines, out of the box to say the least.
It feels like I’m walking around with two different shoes, my shirt inside out and pants baggy loose. It feels like I’m going backwards and things are crumbling in front of my eyes, with no urge to stop them, not this time.
I can’t help but wonder, how much more can I break. How much longer can I take this, but honestly nothing’s left at stake.
I’m so unattached is the lie I tell myself. Or is it a lie, maybe I’m just comfortable with hell. Keep on burnin’, this little devil screams to me. Strip, strip away, we all know how you like to tease.
What a fucking bitch, I laugh when these convos get to goin’. My ego is a maniac, a comedian, a porn star, the whole trifecta. I simmer her down with a bottle in the back and pop a large Celexa. I’m kidding, or am I, she’s annoying to me. I’m still learning to love her, to calm her down to be free.
This darkness of mine, this darkness that I crave, takes the night shift and lurks the grave. How do I integrate her, she scares me with just a look. She’s hungry for blood of any kind, she’s a demon with good looks.
This light and dark, polarity pool, I find myself deep within. It’s currently split into two different sections while I teach them how to swim. My light is a baby, a baby angel with wings. She nurtures and loves every being she sees. She’s noble, a light house, a sweetheart with a pie. She holds grace and room for the stallion, this stallion that’s also mine. My dark is a stallion, untamed, unruly and electrified. She knows no bounds or limits, she just wants to go for a ride. She tip toes on the rope of hell’s gate, she doesn’t know when to stop, she’ll do whatever it takes.
In the midst of light and dark, there’s me; The I am, the observer, the one who’s free. I’m new to this conscious awareness, I feel like a one man soldier. I feel like an outsider peeking in, over this sweet girl’s dainty shoulder.
To integrate I must accept all parts, even the parts that leave my head scratching, even my darkest dark. It’s a work in progress to allow, allow while shedding skin off. It’s a work in progress to love every inch of myself, every inch until it grows soft.
Soft is my nature, she visits from time to time. She’s the whole package, the whole enchilada, a million bucks plus a dime. I’m patient and allowing as this process takes place, I’m patient and allowing still it stings every day.
Let it burn baby, let it burn and see what’s left.
Let it burn baby, let it burn deep in the depths of your chest.
Thank you for being here, I hope you enjoyed my feelings into words ❤️🔥 🧚 🌪️ LIKE TINKERBELL, I THRIVE ON ATTENTION, INTERRACT WITH ME 🫶🏻
