It’s a game played by one, but feels like two

A poem by Sean Kathryn Bratton

I’ve been wondering if she’s ever coming back, when she’s quiet I miss her and wonder where she’s at.

Sometimes I pick at the scab, just to taste her blood. Sometimes I dangle the carrot, just to bring her closer to me. Sometimes I unlock the door, just to see if she’s anticipating it to open.

I walk the line, finding my balance, passing the time.

I miss her, where is she. I miss me, where are you. I miss you, come back to me.

Starving out the old to feed the new, it’s a game played by one, but feels like two.

Shame won’t keep her away, she’ll grow in love with the pain. Shun her away? It’s inviting her to haunt you to your grave. Run far away perhaps, waste your time doing laps? She’ll sit where you left her, fired and fueled, while you’re tired and worn out feeling just like a fool.

What do I do with her, where does she belong? Comfort and protect her, keep writing her these songs.

What else does she want from me, have I not given her enough? She asks for nothing of you, just your acceptance and love.

I listen, I give, I mourn with her and I try. I try to cheer her up, I try to not ask why. The more I try, the more she bleeds. The more I give, the more she needs.

She needs not, she is here with you to unlock infinite love. She asks from you none, she already knows why, it’s not her who runs.

What does she want from me? What else can I give? Will she ever be content, will she ever let me live?

Your trying implies she wants, needs and yearns, yet she holds none of these, she’s not with you to learn.

It’s you.

She is just here to help, to teach, to love, to bring forth wealth and infinite love.

It’s you who wants, needs and yearns, it’s you who is here now and needs to learn.

The illusion feels outside of you, it’s there for you to see. It’s you who needs acceptance, validation, and love. It’s you who’s crying to be seen. Give her these things, for she is you. Give her full acceptance, let her feel the way she wants to.

There is nothing wrong, nothing to fix, nothing to hide, nothing too big. It’s all you, it all coincides in the exact way it’s supposed to.

The more I run, the more she whines. The more I push away, the more she finds me every time.

Judge her not, or you’ll perceive it outside. Fear her not, or you’ll experience it every time. Shame her none, and you’ll feel her love by your side.

Remember the paradox, remember this line, remember that love wins and illuminates fear every single time.